As a second post in a series on bullying, we’re going to look at some warning signs that may indicate that your child may be the victim of a bully, and talk about how to start a dialogue with your child and the school to resolve the issues.
There are a panoply of signs and symptoms that your child may be bullied, either at school or elsewhere. Listed here are a few of the most common:
- Unexplained bumps, cuts, or bruises
- Reluctance or refusal to go to school
- Frequent self-criticizing
- Sudden weight issues
- Frequent visits to the school nurse
- Taking indirect or “illogical” routes to or from school
- Anxiousness or low self-esteem
- Torn, damaged, or missing pieces of clothing
This is only a partial list. It’s up to you as a parent to ensure that the observance of these signs is followed up, even if the school hasn’t indicated that there might be a problem.
As recommended by the Surviving Bullies Project, there are certain techniques that you can use that are very useful to help your child open up about his or her experiences. First and foremost, talk with your child. This cannot be stressed enough. Engaging your child in conversation, and providing a safe environment to express feelings is a vital first step to 1) determining if there is a problem with bullying or another issue, and 2) resolving the issue in a proper manner. Building trust between you and your child isn’t automatic, despite what we may assume about parent-child bonds. Children need to be able to trust your judgment as much as you trust them not to lie to you about their experiences.
Whether you choose a direct line of questioning, e.g. “Are there any kids at school who tease you?” or a more indirect and subtle line of questioning, e.g. “Who do you sit with at lunch and on the bus?” depends less on your suspicions of bullying and more on the personality of your child and the level of trust between the two of you. You need to use your best judgment and be sure not to rush into things.
The line of questioning needs to be followed up with a talk to your child’s teacher or the proper administrative faculty member of the school. Set up an appointment and check in, or make use of the online services that many schools and teachers now offer. Asking the teacher to coordinate a bit with other faculty that interact with your child is a good step toward making sure that your child is taken care of. If you are not happy with the results of your interaction with the school, it may be prudent to bring your concerns to a more senior administrator.
To see these steps in more detail, and to read a “case study” of the effects of bullying, we recommend The Surviving Bullies Project as a great resource.
